Fire and Ice

I can never hold a grudge against someone I care about. Even if I want them to feel regret for their actions, I cannot do it. I don't know why. I don't want to take the higher ground. I don't want to be mature. But I always turn back to that side.

I want people know how hurt I was for their actions, even if I wasn't hurt that much. I want to know if they really care enough to feel bad.

Maybe it helps me feel better about myself. I don't know why I feel this way. I rarely let people know how I really feel. Instead I bottle it up because it's the proper way to act. It's the most considerate way to act towards your friends when they aren't being considerate.

Maybe it's because I was told many many times growing up to stop pouting. It never worked. But this is different. I feel a weight in my heart when my friends betray my trust (the way I expect them to act) and I want them to know that, but then I'd be a fucking baby.

I don't want to grow up.